My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
