____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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