Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
