Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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