I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
