So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
