I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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