he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
