Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
