I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
