Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
