What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
