oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
