I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
