I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
as a side note pls kill me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
