You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize