He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
