it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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