I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
