sarcasm needs its own font
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
