He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
