So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
