We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Can I color on your dick again?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
