and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
