I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
