you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize