is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize