That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize