I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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