So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
