The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
