i love accidental penises.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
