I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
