He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
