is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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