someone threw a dead crab at me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
