yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
