'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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