he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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