i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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