i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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