you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize