are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
