He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize