There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
