I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
