I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
