I showed him my bush... on skype.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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