I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
