it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
