this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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