Don't make out with my wife yet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
