I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
