Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
