i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
