The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
