saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
