Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
