pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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