Will you blow on my dice?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Sorry about my life...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
