So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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