i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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