Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
