Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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