haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
