I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
