im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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